At the end of the last episode I had made the decision to proceed with radiation treatments. I went to my Urologist Dr. D who administered the hormone shot and I met with Dr. C my Radiation Oncologist to plan my treatment path which includes 39 zaps of the radiation beam.

The machine that I lovingly called the WOPR – a nod to the computer in War Games is actually the Varian TrueBeam™ Linear Accelerator. This is an amazing machine but I’ll get to that in a moment. Before my first treatment I have to go in for a meeting with the radiation therapist to get myself fitted and prepared for the radiation. When I arrived I had to go into a small locker room where I removed all my clothes except for my socks and the gown they gave me. Next I went into the room where the WOPR resides.
The therapist had me lay down on a table and she made molds of my legs. Making the molds is like having a dental mold made. A cradle or bag made of form-fitting material was used for me to put my legs into. The material sets up around my legs, creating a mold that will replicate my exact position in the device for each treatment session. The molds ran from my knees down to my feet.
Next the nurse does some imaging and then marks several different areas with ink like a magic marker. Then stickers are applied over these marks so they don’t wash off. These mark were on my abdomen, and both sides in 5 or six places. When she was finished I went back into the locker room and looked at myself in the mirror. All these little targets all over me….what a great look this is.
When it came to scheduling I requested early in the morning but I was flexible if I needed to be. I really wanted this to be over and done with early each day, plus the treatment facility was on my way to work. It’s much easier to get there on my way in with traffic than on my way home.
Let me say this about radiation treatments, for lack of a better word there is more of a sense of community when you go through this. You see many of the same nurses therapists and other patients. The patients who have the appointment right before you or right after you become friends of yours. For me it was Iris and Nancy, both battling breast cancer. We celebrated “last dose day” when our treatments were over. Unfortunately, I don’t have their contact information. I pray each of them have overcome their battles and are living full and healthy lives today.



The nurses and the Radiation Therapists who took care of me each day were amazing people. I tried to stay positive and keep my sense of humor while going through all of this. They told me they appreciated it. Many of the patients they see quite frankly are in much worse shape than I was. They’re allowed to not feel good and of course some take it out on the staff. My nurses and Therapists that I saw on almost a daily basis were amazing and believe it or not I do miss seeing them. Anna, Ann, Roxy, Lauren just to name a few. Julie who greeted me every morning with a big smile and a heartfelt good morning , you are also missed.
Anna was great, she was of polish decent and was a huge help to me but not how you may think. Right in the middle of all of this radiation stuff was my son’s wedding and he was marrying a polish girl and this was going to be a big traditional polish wedding. Anna filled me in on what to expect as the day unfolded. It was almost like I was being given “The Dummies Guide to a Polish Wedding” one chapter at a time while they set up the machine each day. She was a godsend. We had such a good laugh as I recounted the three-days of wedding activities afterwards.
Back to radiation….Each day was pretty much groundhog day when it came to the treatment. I’d get up have my breakfast…no coffee. I’d have to drink 20oz of water one hour prior to the treatment and hold it until after the treatment was done. Easier aid than done. I guess that water helps to move your bladder out of the way of the beam.
So I go to the bathroom then drink my water….climb in the car and head off to get zapped. When I’d walk into the building normally I was the #2 patient of the day. Iris was in before me. My gown was always in a wrapper waiting for me on top of the nurses station. Being a large guy they don’t put out my size in the locker rooms. Why you ask, because without fail a 75 pound little old lady always tends to grab the largest gown and they are just swimming in it and they complain to the nurses. So it’s less brain damage just to keep them behind the desk. Plus, the nurses when they saw my gown was gone they knew I was in the building and probably ready to go.
After I change into my gown all I’m wearing is my socks. I made a point of wearing the most ridicules socks I could find. Polkadots, striped, beagle dogs, I went so far as to wear the candy cane red and white socks of the Wicked Witch of the West once. Quite the sight. The girls joked that the only part of anyone’s wardrobe they could admire was their socks.
Ok, so here we go into the room for session #1….climb up on the table and we need you to lift your legs to slide the mold under you legs. Do you have any idea how hard it is to do leg lifts with a full bladder and not turn into a lawn sprinkler?
Next they move the gown up but cover my nether regions with a towel. On the table I am laying on a sheet. They tell me to lay still as they make the adjustments. Being a large guy of course I try to help but they tell me they have this under control and just lay there. This is where they align the targets on my body to lasers that are being projected around the room. Huh….that’s kind of cool. They hand me a little blue donut to hold onto, I assuming to keep my hand occupied and out of the way of the machine and then walk out of the room.
Now the room itself is kind of relaxing. They have large panels that look like mock windows with landscaping and the ceiling looks like the sky. Music is playing and the nurses talk to me through the speakers.
This is where the WOPR goes to work. This huge machine actually rotates around me. It has several different arms that perform different functions be it scanning, xrays, delivering the beam and so on.
I’m lying on the table as the therapists’ image my bladder to make sure I have enough water in there. If not they stop and have you drink more water and then wait and that just messes up everyone’s schedule. I never had too little water.
So I’m laying on the table and then all of a sudden there is one minor adjustment to the table. Consider that the final adjustment. The machine rotates around you and if you can imagine a clock face the beam starts around the five’oclock position and rotates around your body clockwise stopping periodically and delivering the zap. I may be wrong but I think it makes six different stops going around my body delivering a zap of around 25 seconds each time. Don’t quote me on that part. And with that it’s all done. The room is still and quiet for a few minutes and then the therapist comes in and gives the happy news….All right, your all done.
They help me up and they it’s a sprint to the restroom…the most rewarding pee of the day I can tell you that. After that, change into my work clothes and head off to work and then peeing again as soon as I get into the building. Whew…That’s how the next two months were set to unfold.
I’m not positive but I’m pretty sure anyone going through this has some type of countdown calendar to know when all of this is going to be done with. Be it written down, numbers on a board, on your phone. Rare is the person going “was this treatment number 22 or 23…I just cant remember”.
Everything was going along smoothly until one morning when the WOPR was a bit slow in waking up. When I got there they were already a half hour behind. Great…I standing there with a full bladder not exactly knowing when it would be my turn. Finally I hit critical mass…I told the nurse I had to pee. I cant hold it any longer. They let me go but I had to drink again because my turn wouldn’t be too long of a wait. I relieved myself..thank goodness and then hit the water fountain and started drinking again. Apparently with too much reckless abandon. I drank way too much water. When they got me on the table it was the first time I thought I was going to burst. The therapist noticed my feet twitching and that was the first time I had done that. She knew I was in a bad state. Through the speaker then told me they were hurrying….when the got me up I had sharp pains in my abdomen….I hobbled to the bathroom and went. They apologized for the day. I was my fault not theirs I told them, I should have known my bladder wasn’t completely empty when I refilled. Remember on a normal day I pee at the end of treatment and again when I get to work and that’s without drinking anything in between.
For the next few treatments it was the same thing with the pain at the end plus I was peeing much more frequently. I finally I mentioned it to the nurse and we met with the doctor. The thinking was I stretched my bladder too far. He advised me to take Azos for a few days to see if it will settle down. Azos is an over the counter drug for people with bladder issues. It worked for me within the first couple of days, here’s the thing it has one wicked side effect. It turns your pee orange…I don’t mean a tinge of orange I mean Orange Crush orange. An it stains everything it comes in contact with. So if you take this stuff….don’t dribble.
As for the radiation I really didn’t experience any of the side effects they list..
Such as:
Frequent urination
Difficult or painful urination
Blood in the urine
Urinary leakage
Abdominal cramping
Diarrhea
Painful bowel movements
Rectal bleeding
Rectal leaking
Secondary cancers in the region of the radiation
Skin reactions (similar to a sunburn) – I didn’t have this but my nurse Roxy drilled into me to use a certain type of Aloe Vera every night to moisturize the areas of the beam pattern.
Sexual dysfunction, including diminished erectile function or decrease in the volume of semen – Now this is a bit more complicated to talk about. In episode 6 I listed the side effects from the hormone shot and I mentioned I did experience more than a few of them.
Such as…..
Reduced or absent sexual desire – Check. This was so weird. You could have paraded the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders into my living room and I’d be like “Is that the new Harbor Freight Tool Catalog??? Lookie sledgehammers are on sale!” Zero interest in sex as a mater of fact it was a huge turn off for me.
Hot flashes, Check! When my wife went through the change, I joked that in bed at night the covers were on the bed, off the bed, back on the bed, then back off the bed. I coined the phrase spooning with the Beagle because I huddled up with Scooter for heat during this period. Take it from me guys it’s real and it never happens at a convenient time. The worst hot flash for me occurred in church of all things…I’m sitting in the pew….I whisper honey is it hot in here….it’s December….I start fanning myself with the song sheet…..holy crap I have to get out of here…yes I walk out of church over a hot flash. Standing outside in a Chicago December. They are real!!!
Breast tenderness – Check
Decreased mental sharpness – How do you know this is happening? I started playing games on my iPad to help me keep focus
Loss of muscle mass – Check, things I could do with ease before I couldn’t do anymore. Physically I couldn’t do it.
Weight gain – Check
Fatigue – Big Check…..Fatigue creeps in and wears you down over time. This is a side effect of both the radiation and hormone shot. I didn’t realize how fatigued I was until all this treatment came to an end. Say you lose 1% of your energy a day and it’s almost unnoticeable at first but over time you’re just too wore out.
Arthritis flares – This was one of the most painful things I had to go through. My knees, both of them felt like they were on fire. Pain killers didn’t work the only thing that gave me relief was ice and elevation. I was so miserable at night I moved into the guest room. I’m packing pillows underneath just trying to get comfortable. Scooter was a saint, he’d let me prop my legs up on him at night…he liked to sleep under the covers. Again he never left my side during all of this. I’d get so angry at myself for forgetting my glasses upstairs or forgetting my phone in my car and I’d have to walk back out to get them. Walking upstairs was agony.
Depression – Check…No energy, pain in my legs, indifferent to sex. Thinking that this was going to be my new normal was not making me happy. I can’t do any of the things that make me happy, hiking, biking, working in the yard, sharing special moments with my wife.
If there is one thing, I can now sympathize with it’s woman in menopause. Having been a guy in manaopause I have a new understanding of what they go through and it’s not fun.
Back to radiation….for about the first 29 treatments it was all the same. Once a week the session was a bit longer because they were doing some type of imaging on me.
I know this sounds silly but about midway through the sessions I noticed the door to the room or being more precise I noticed the thickness of the door. Holy crap it’s more than a foot thick, that’s when it dawned on me that some serious stuff is being administered in this room.
For about the last ten treatments that pattern of the machine changed, now it didn’t make little stops along the way, it was just one continuous circle around me. These treatments were much faster, maybe 30 seconds of phasers set to kill at this point.
My last treatment was on December 18th, one week before Christmas. I was so thankful for the care that the nurses and the therapists gave me I bought all of them Christmas gifts…Trader Joe’s Cookies and Tennessee Moonshine. As I said I was sorry to say goodbye to the staff but not to the radiation.
So here we go…next PSA test is in 30 days…and what were those results? I received a note through MyChart from Dr C. “Good news, your PSA is undetectable.”
At last. I’m not kidding myself. I may not be done with cancer in my lifetime but for the moment it’s in check. I’ve had three more PSA tests since January and as recent as November 2020 my PSA is still undetectable.
All of the side effects have mostly gone away. My energy is back, so is my strength and those cheerleaders are looking appealing again.
When I started this project my one and only goal is to get more men to go to their doctor. Get yourself checked. Prostate cancer does not have to be a death sentence. I hope this story motivates you to do that.
Yeah, Prostate Cancer Sucks but there is always hope. And this, this was my story.
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Thanks for listening. Stay healthy out there guys.




















